It was around 4:00 am the morning of a bible study I was leading and true to form, I was up cramming my notes together. I’m nothing if not consistent in my procrastination.
As I was combing through Ephesians 4, making sure I’d covered everything in my notes about “Walking Worthy”, streaming videos on my laptop, a song begins pouring in through my earbuds that arrested me right there. I will add the song at the end of this post because everyone needs to know it, to proclaim it.
In that instant, I was transported back four years to likely the very darkest season of my life. A season marked by sickness, despair, loneliness, hopelessness, fear. A season of unknowns, when my life was in flames – I was at the very end of myself in so many ways. Isn’t it just like God to meet us there?
With a marriage in shambles, a body wracked by illness and ravaged by the treatment, a bank account drained, a husband out of work, 3 kids under 6 and living in a borrowed bedroom with nowhere to call “home”, I remember clinging to these lyrics like a lifeline.
“You were singing in the dark, whispering your promise, even when I could not hear. I was held in your arms, carried for a thousand miles to show, not for a moment, did you forsake me.”
I can remember singing these words and thinking, “someday, I will be able to sing this and mean it.” At the time, I was singing it in faith. I was singing in the midst of the trial. I was crying out in hope for a day when life wouldn’t be so heavy. I remember there were days that I was longing for Heaven so strongly that the only thing that kept me grounded were the tiny people who needed me.
At the time, I felt as if my world had fallen apart and I was desperate to hold the fibers of my life together. But now…I can look back on that time with such fondness. Perspective is a funny thing. Now I see the sweet moments that the Lord was near, He was never far off. Although I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, He really was leading me beside still waters. He was restoring my soul.
It’s funny how a song can do that. Oh, the power of a melody. I sit here with it on replay and am just floored at His faithfulness. I am so thankful for the journey that I have walked (even through the valley) to get here and for the one I’m on to get to the next peak, and the next and the next. Some valleys are deeper than others, but not for a moment will He forsake His children. And the thing is, it didn’t really all turn out exactly as I’d hoped, but the sweet part is that He was never not there. He is ever-present. God doesn’t promise that it will all turn out “ok” this side of eternity. But He does promise that through it all, He is here – He promises “Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you” Hebrews 13:5.
Oh Lord, may I never forget that I need to cling to You with desperation everyday. Even on my very best day, let me not loosen my grasp of Your hand. Let me always remember how You carried me through the valley and brought me through to the next peak. Oh, Lord forgive my forgetfulness. You are sovereign, let me never again forget.
“After all, You are constant. After all, You are only good. After all You are sovereign. Not for a moment, did You forsake me.”
I can now sing this with firm assurance of its truth. Not only in faith, but because God has proven His faithfulness time and time and time again.
And that is the power of a melody…
Is there a melody that takes you back to another place and time? Is there a song for a hard season of your life?