That’s a hard question to ask? But a necessary one.
There is a fine line between insecurity and humility. So often I find myself questioning what I said, what I did, how I responded. And sometimes, that is just good old fashioned insecurity. Which has no place in a confident son or daughter of the King. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m referring to when I say, “Am I wrong?” is a question that doesn’t beat myself up, but one that keeps me in check.
I don’t know about you (yes, I do), but it would be easy for me to dig my heels in and believe things without ever questioning them. That’s easy. It’s “safe”. It’s comfortable. But I don’t think that is a healthy place to be. Now don’t go all “she’s doubting her faith” on me. Don’t worry, I am grounded in the fact that God the Father is still on His throne with Jesus seated at His right hand interceding for us along with the Holy Spirit alive on the inside of every believer on Earth. Although, I do believe we need to regularly be stirring and digging and finding out why we believe what we believe. But what I’m talking about when I say, “Am I wrong?” is more of a general question. Because sometimes we base our actions and words on a belief or a perspective that may not necessarily be true or right or even beneficial. Sometimes we can make decisions based on a particular context or circumstance or situation.
For example, the other day I was faced with something I wasn’t sure how to handle. It wasn’t a big deal, really. And I don’t think it probably even matters in the grand scheme of things. But it is something I’ve been wrestling with since. My husband’s repeated response was, “How could you have handled it differently?” And I’m not sure. But still, I like to know if how I handle something is right or wrong. How else can I learn or grow?
I keep asking myself and God, “was I wrong in how I acted?” And honestly, I still don’t know if I handled it the best. But I don’t know if that is really the point. I think the point may just be positioning my heart in a place that keeps me asking that question. Not out of insecurity or doubt, but out of a position of heart that says “I may not always be right”. I may have made a mistake. I may have missed it. Because even the apostle Paul said of himself, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.” 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul didn’t say “of whom I WAS the worst” he said “of whom I AM the worst.” (emphasis mine)
This from a man who was filled with and led by the Holy Spirit. A man to whom Jesus had appeared face to face on the road to Damascus. A man who called to the Ephesians to “walk worthy of the calling you have received.” And yet he is the self-proclaimed “chief of sinners”?? You see, we have a Holy Spirit that leads and guides and we can follow peace in any situation, but the fact is, we might get it wrong.
That’s sometimes hard to reconcile, and often even harder to admit. But here’s the thing, and I’ve said it many times before, the moment I start to think I have it all figured out is the moment in which I find myself furthest from the will of God. We all make decisions, some big and some small. Some right and some wrong. But He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:6) Yes, He makes us righteous, but we aren’t there yet. He’s working on us. So I can stand confidantly because God is perfecting that which He began. Which means, I have the capacity to get it wrong.
And I know it.
When was the last time you asked yourself, “Am I wrong?”